Month: September 2018

When will this issue will not be a issue….

Sometimes I feel a bit negative. It is so because I am a part of the community that is just 4-8% of any population. It is very OK with me to be its part but it is NOT OK with the rest of the world. It took us so long to scrape out section 377, I don’t know how long it will take to change people’s mentality. We have advanced technologically but to progress socially seems to be a daunting achievement. And we say the Human race is most advanced. There were social evils like child marriage , sati pratha etc. They encompassed some of the major parts of population such as children and women. So it seemed appropriate to ban them and they were eradicated successfully.

The situation here is ..the society does not even consider us as its innate part…. An example
I would like to mention is when after the judgement of supreme court on September 6 ..when media asked the views of common people some of them said ” UNKE(denoting lgbtq ) liye khushi
ki baat hai”. How can we a separate part of society ? I respect diversity and believe in tolerance and everyone thinks differently but there is some sort of hatred for us that should not exist anymore.Why we are taken as Joke for the society. Instead why we are not given extra respect. Why are we pushed towards negativity .Why most of us think that what they think is always right without researching what exactly is…
It is high time for my community to rise and show all the haters that we are no less than a celebrity. I believe that we all are creative genius , we all are pure by heart and soul. I wish every member of lgbtq should posses skills and sufficient education so as to show others that we are no less. We also have to learn to be united and spread awareness to every corner to give a helping hand to those who really need it.
Get skilled. Your dreams will be fulfilled.

Posted by Purple Phonix in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, English, Non Fiction, 2 comments

The burning Train

After a very tiring day at Nagpur me and my friends were waiting for the train at Nagpur junction towards jabalpur it was almost midnight and suddenly an announcment was made that the train is shortly arriving on the platform.

We were all students so we had just purchased the Tickets for the general compartment as the train arrived my face frowned to see the over crowded train somehow we managed to enter the compartment but we couldn’t find a seat to sit, so we were just standing near the washrooms of the compartment. Just infront of me where I was standing, I could see a very cute guy around 20 yrs of age sitting .I could see him making eye contact with me I couldnt resist myself drooling him suddenly he cracked a sweet smile at me and I was assured that he liked me and now it was almost 2 at night, we all friends were scattered at different places in the compartment as we could find places to rest but I was such a bad ass and I didn’t wanted to loose a great opportunity to miss those sweet glances of that guy. Suddenly an unexpected thing happened that guy rose from his seat and came towards me I was dead but could feel the adrenaline rush in my body bringing sparkles all over, he came and asked me to come at the bridge of the two compartments near the washrooms through his eyes and hand gestures, almost everyone were asleep he whispered ” Gur Ho? ” I said “Mujhse zyada tum ho” I could smell him and I was hard as fuck we both were breathing unbroken fast and warm.
I initiated and kissed him. Gosh! it was like heaven it was my first gay kiss we continued for few minutes and couldn’t resist but we couldn’t make out more I was so turned on that I could feel the pressure on my back to jerk out suddenly we heard a lady coming for washroom he left that place and we were separated.
But even today I remember that incident and miss those moments.
It was such a sizzling burning experience in train.

Posted by Anand Rege in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, English, Non Fiction, 3 comments

मेरा कसूर क्या है ?

बात उन दिनों की है जब समलैंगिक होना सिर्फ उसे ही ज्ञात होता था जो स्वयं समलैंगिक हो उस समय का परिदृश्य आज जैसा नहीं था, जैसे आज अनेक संचार माध्यमों द्वारा हम एवं सभी शिक्षित एवं अशिक्षित लोग इस बात को जानते हैं, कि समलैंगिक होना क्या है परंतु उस समय मेरे घर में कोई सदस्य समलैंगिक है इस बात को कोई स्वीकार करना नहीं चाहता था ना ही उसके बारे में कोई वार्तालाप होता था.

गर्मी की छुट्टियां चल रही थी दसवीं की परीक्षा के उपरांत रोहन ने अपने मित्र अनिकेत को भोजन के लिए आमंत्रित किया था, रोहन के मन में अनिकेत के प्रति एक विशेष आकर्षण था शायद रोहन मन ही मन अनिकेत से प्यार करने लगा था, परंतु अनिकेत इस बात से अनभिज्ञ था जिस दिन रोहन ने अनिकेत को भोजन करने आमंत्रित किया था उस दिन घर पर रोहन के पिता जी भी थे रोहन की माता ऑफिस गई हुई थी परंतु जाने के पूर्व रोहन ने अपनी माता से पूरा भोजन बनवा लिया था परंतु रोहन ने अपने हाथों से अनिकेत के लिए विशेष हलवा बनाया था रोहन सुबह से ही सजने सवरने में लगा था अनिकेत के आने में अभी एक घंटा शेष था ,रोहन मुल्तानी मिट्टी का लेप लगाकर बैठा हुआ था उसके पिताजी रोहन की खुशी देख कर कुछ अनुमान लगा रहे थे, मिट्टी सूखने पर रोहन जो बाथरूम की तरफ बढ़ कर जा रहा था तभी उसके पिता जी नाक भौं सिकोड़ कर बोले “रोहन इतने सजने सवरने की क्या जरूरत है? अगर जो मैं सोच रहा हूं वह बात सही निकली तो मैं तुम्हें भी मार डालूंगा और खुद भी मर जाऊंगा” रोहन ने उस बात पर कोई प्रतिक्रिया नहीं दी पर उसका दिल जोरो से धड़कने लगा आसु आंखो में आ गए पर छलके नहीं चेहरा धोते हुए बस मन ही मन रोहन सोच रहा था

मेरा कसूर क्या है ?

Posted by Anand Rege in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, Hindi, Non Fiction, 5 comments

HE WAITING HIM

It was 25th February i was on the way to Vytilla hub which is at Ernakulam. I was having four days off and packed my bag , since 27th Feb was my grandfather’s remembrance day and we had few rituals to be performed on that day so i started my journey. one of my friend was there with me to drop me till bus stand. and i was telling him that i want to go in a low floor bus and he said not to travel in that because i was having cold to which i disagreed and we stood there for an hour to find low floor bus. The bus came overloaded so i thought of traveling in the normal KSRTC bus instead.

He made me stand out and he went inside to find seat for me and the bus was almost empty so there were enough seats. I stood into the bus saw a seat where only one person was sitting and since he smiled at me so i went there and kept my bags and started talking to my friend who came to drop me. After few minutes the bus started and i came in and sat on the seat with that guy.

I started to sneeze and temperature started to blow up. the guy next to me said hello and said ” its good that u didn’t got seat in that A/C bus”. I was shocked and asked him back that how did you know that, he replied “i was listening your conversation with your friend” i laughed out loud he smiled back and offered me a balm and asked me to apply it said i will get some relief and it was a strange thing for me because he was the 1st person who offered me vicks in journey it never ever happen before then i introduced myself and he too did the same. His name was Deepak, he was from Thrissur, did his MSW from Trivandrum and working in some company. his journey was from Aluva to Trivandrum since he had a meeting there on next day. This is what i know from him.

We started to develop a nice friendly bond within few minutes. I had to sit almost 3 hours to reach Kayamkulam. He said he has done some course in psychology and by looking at my face said Amal “you have so much of pain in your heart. and i wont force you to speak up but before you reach your destination today you will speak everything to me and when you reach Kayamkulam you will be completely changed and you will have a new hope for living rest of your life”.

I was really feeling comfortable he began to talk up, and gave me a lot of positive feel.I began to trust him, he became someone special for me, i shared my breakup story, demise of my father , about my family and all for which he his eyes got wet, that made me more emotional and he hold my hands and pulled me towards his shoulder. I had even slept for 15 minutes on his shoulder by holding his hands. A unique kind of trust began to develop, a unique kind of feeling started to develop, a kind of security feeling i should say. I don’t have words to explain those moments, but all can say is he gave me new start.

I had one more hour left with me. You won’t trust that i even requested god to create some mechanical issue so that i could spend more time with him, after sometimes he observed my thoughts and aspect towards life. He offered me few ideas and they were like:

”Amal you wont gain anything by staying at your past life.
you live in the world of fantasy where you dream a lot,
why don’t you write down your wishes and dreams in particular order and sort things accordingly and do fulfill it one by one.
from your 1000s of dreams its better that you take a handful of dreams and make them come true. like that you are going to love yourself and one day you will find yourself satisfied and happy”.

These were the statement told by him and which were acceptable.

While the conversation was getting to an end he said ”Amal if you can come out from your past and emotions then i will wait for your yes.
i was shocked and asked him ”YES ?”
He replied ”Amal i feel like you are the perfect match for me”.

Listening to this my eyes filled up, hugged his hands. I began to fall for him but couldn’t express my feelings, i really wanted him in my life but i needed some time.
for me if i say YES means i dont want myself to regret later, so asked him for some time. I had a question to him. he never mentioned him as a gay to be so, i asked him are you a gay? he smiled and replied do you want to live your life with me?
i said i dont have much expectations in life but if i say yes means i want your part to be sincere enough. and finally i was going to get down.

He asked me to give my contact no. and i asked him to type it down but he said he wont instead he will just learn it. I didn’t trust him but he learned it before me and started saying my no. again and again and i was confident enough that he can remember me or he will save my number somewhere when i get down. still i had a fear and wrote my number on my bus ticket and gave him he refused to take that paper and said Amal all are not same. come out from your past and i will be waiting for you.

Bus started to enter Kayamkulam KSRTC bus stand and my heart started to beat faster than ever. i asked him when will you call me?
he replied “on 1st march before 8 pm”
and wanted me to just say the final answer i.e. YES or NO.

When i asked for his number he said he will call me on 1st march 2018 before 8 pm if he is alive.
for that in an anger i said if you are not able to call me before 8pm of march 1st then?
he replied …. consider me as dead.

Bus stopped at the bust stand and i moved off.
i asked him to leave my hands as i had to get down. he said Amal….
don’t worry for anything because i wont let you cry anymore. He whispered in my ears I LOVE YOU. I stood down at bus stand and started feeling good, i had a good time. as he said in the beginning that before reaching Kayamkulam i will be happy and changed and all.

I went home and was just thinking of him, my heart was asking me to say yes, still i discussed it with my few good friends for which they all said if he is genuine then say yes.I made myself mentally prepared to say yes and started to wait for his call. Days passed but he didn’t called and i started to wait. When ever i got missed calls to my number i started to call back with a hope that it will be him. It was March 1st , the day he promised and i reached back to Ernakulam at my room started to wait for his call. Made my mobile in general mode, looked at the clock, it was 7:58 m two more minutes left. I closed my eyes and started to pray for his call i opened my eyes slowly and saw its already 8:01 pm. which means i should not wait for his calls anymore.

I tried searching for him after that incident. I searched on Facebook, Instagram, twitter everywhere, asked every one who has connections with his district and Trivandrum, contacted several place where he could have went. but the outcome was zero. All i know is his face, rest of the things

I got hurt like anything because i had a trust on him. Now when i ask myself was he a fraud or was that my mistake that i trusted that guy and his beautiful words and promises?
I feel yes! i am equally responsible for that.
He couldn’t complete his promise on time and made me alone like before.
There is one thing that i should say, on that journey he promised me that when i get down from the bus my level of depression will be reduced and it was correct to an extent because, i shared my all the pains and feelings to him on that journey, in fact i made all confessions to that guy. He was a good guy though. But i really don’t know till this moment i couldn’t find him. I’m not sure will i ever meet him or not. but his presence on that day changed my life, my thinking, my fear.

Sometimes i feel like he is still somewhere around. I feel like it was a dream for me, a fantasy dream or an imaginary lover whom i can love till any extent and can keep up a hope in life that he will come back one day . I don’t know where my mind is going. All i could say is his words and moments gave me a kind of relief from my depressions. And he do taught me several new things. So at the end i should say like rather than hating him i feel like he gave me memorable moments in that three hour journey. The only thing i can recall about him is his voice, his face and his smile.

There is something in him, because from last two years i have been to several psychologist couldn’t solve my problems but he could.
Will he comeback? no idea…!!!
will he read all these? not sure…!!!
life has to move on.
There is modicum of virtue….!!!

Posted by AMALL SANALL in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, English, Non Fiction, 16 comments

Homosexuality – life and acceptance

The question was on sexual preference.
He hesitated and was much influenced.
For the society it was unacceptable.
He needs to stand and show what he is all capable.

Exploring his orientation.
He preluded a notion.
He was a SAPPHIC.
Was all that made his life epic.

His parents were PRUDE.
And his life was all screwed.
He thought it was vile.
But didn’t knew being gay was all fine.

Coming out was his worst nightmare.
And this thought,he couldnt despair.
One fine day he broke the silence.
And spoke until the thoughts in his mind broke their violence.

He was all happy after then.
Being acceptable is what is required by a man.
Ranibow was his true colour.
This was all he wanted to decipher.

Posted by Saurav Jaiswal in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, English, Poem / Poetry, 2 comments