Non Fiction


Here I present you my worst experience being gay in my college. I did my hotel management from a college in Wayanad district of Kerala. I was one the best student of my class, teachers liked me a lot since I was also a classical dancer of Odissi. Everyone gave me respect. But an incident which took place, spoiled everything in just one single day.

I was in relationship with a guy whom I had met 4 years back, when I was too young for relationship. But I was in love with him, and he was a good person. But one day I came to know that he was the biggest fraud I had ever met. After that breakup I came across a guy whom I had accidentally met and later became good friends with. One day he wanted me to accompany him to Trivandrum and I went along. In the night we took a room and stayed there he kissed me and did some softcore. After few seconds he said he got to reply some messages and he took his mobile and clicked my pictures.

Few days later he asked me for 4000 rupees, since I was a student and I didn’t have. I said I don’t have, then his way of talking changed and started blackmailing with my photos. I was terrified and I paid him 4000 rupees but few days later he asked me for 8000. I really didn’t had and when I refused he said he will publish my photos and since he was working in a telecom company he easily traced out my address and other details. And started threatening me again and again. And when I discussed this with my friend he said “You are unnecessarily taking tension” and asked me to be bold and tell him to go & do whatever he wants. I did the same and then next day changed my life.

I was alone in my hostel room, sleeping it was early morning 5 am and someone started knocking my door. I was sleepy so didn’t open the door, I asked them what they want in the early morning and they replied me to check my Facebook. I found there was nothing special, I saw there was a new friend request from an account which was looking like my own account my name, details and my photo everything was the same. And it was him when I saw it was showing 23 mutual friends and me saw all were my college mate’s senior’s staffs teachers. And his id was uploaded with my nude photos. I felt like killing myself, suddenly more people started knocking my door and I was totally lost. I went and opened the door and all the class mates were there to tease me insult me. I was crying but it didn’t bother anyone, I didn’t talked to them.
Just ran to the stair case and said I am going to end my life. I said goodbye & was standing near the handrail. Was afraid to die but didn’t had another option too. Suddenly my friend who advised me to be bold earlier came to me n said “what are you doing?” my eyes were filled with tears & said I want to die. He said “Why you say you are gay & can’t survive?” He came towards handrail, pulled my hair & slapped me, hugged me and said “kill him rather than killing yourself.”

The moment when I came back to my room, for my class mates I was like an untouchable person; no one talked to me no one sat with me. No one talked to me. For several days I didn’t have a seat in my college bus. Always being insulted. I got extra duties. No one clapped for my dance programs. Said bad words about me. I faced a lot of insult from my teachers too. Earlier I used to write attendance register and other works but I was stopped from doing all those things since I was gay. Even if I sat somewhere in cafeteria the other group of student will get up & leave. One day I felt like crying and went to the washroom and threw my foods away. All of this was happening because I was gay. Gay gay gay they gave me several names, teased me, harassed me.
Several times I really felt that it was better to commit suicide.

Slowly 6 friends among them understood me and came to me as a good friends. We had our own good times. Slowly I began to understand that I haven’t done any crime to deserve this. I was harassed even by one of my chief, who taught us food production. One day when the class had to submit our log book and we all submitted in which only my log book was not corrected or signed, then I went to him for getting my log book signed. He was sitting with few other teachers and said “Hey, I came to know that you will bend your ass in front of anyone who waves.” I was really shocked and terrified because a person who was a teacher of mine insulted me. Suddenly I replied “Sir if you want me to bend for you don’t need to wave your hands, just give me a miss call” Listening to this he felt embarrassed & insulted. I added “Sir, you are not paying my fees, nor educating me or taking care of my expense or giving me shelter and food so it shouldn’t matter to you whether I bend my ass or not”. I said “You just take care of your child who is just 5 years old”. He was mum.

Listening to this several well-wishers form my college encouraged me that I have guts to speak. They encouraged me to reply back to people who are nasty & hurtful, I listened to them and did just that.

Once we had an extempore speech competition in our quality development class and before like I mentioned I had few best friends and among them, one was a girl. She took the lot and her topic was “Should gay marriage to be legalized or not?” And she asked me to help her to prepare for the speech and I helped her, she asked me my experience and all… And when the debate started it was like she said everything in an opposing way. I felt so hurt & insulted. My madam asked me to counter her arguments, I said my part and made her mouth shut and on that day our friendship ended.

After finishing the speech whole class supported her and I said you are you all clapping? I said “You fools before clapping and encouraging others, you all don’t know that there were 11 boys from my class who asked me for sex date and had sex with me. I will never disclose their names because I have promised them, I will disclose their names one day when I leave this college.”

The whole class started looking at each other, all started to doubt their friends, roommates etc. I lied that I had sex with 11 people in fact I never had sex with anyone in my college but my gutsy dialogue made them confused. And because of that doubt popped among friends several classmates of mine fought with each other doubting each other. But only I know that what I told was just a lie, to divert everyone’s mind.

Final exam came whole class became enemies with each other. I was happy to see that because they spoiled my 3 years and my one single lie spoiled their friendship which they build in 3 years. Everyone dispersed from college like how they were in the first days of the colleges without speaking much with each other. I was happy to see that no one gained anything in return of my tears. Finally those 11 names became an unknown secret to everyone. Till now they are waiting for that. College over classes over and here I finish my long story.

Posted by AMALL SANALL in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, English, Non Fiction, 15 comments

And he saw me in Saree

Rohan was the only child of his working parents, after returning home from school at 1:30 pm he remained all alone in his house till his parents were back from their respective jobs, that was a period of his life where he lived in his dream world where he fantasised about being a beautiful girl having a handsome boyfriend, just near his house lived his classmate Anup who seldom visited him in afternoon after school hours, both used to like each others company and enjoyed gossiping about their other classmates, though rohan was quite aware about his sexuality and he loved cross dressing, even he had a stock of various makeup articles likes lispstick kajal etc.
One fine day after returning back from school he saw his mom’s saree which he used to love, it was cotton Saree in Bengali print he was just about to unfold it when he heard the door bell rang he ran and peeped through the door lenses and saw the gas cylinder delivery guy was standing totally tired holding the cylinder on his shoulder, Rohan being compassionate opened the door and received the delivery and making the due payments, Rohan was responsible even though he was just in his 9th grade, he was so fascinated and eager to drap the Saree that he forgot locking the door and went inside in a hurry, he with expertise and dexterity drapped the Saree perfect and was so happy to see his image in the dressing mirror of his mom, just in front of the mirror was the door of that room he saw Anup standing at the door, Rohan got almost paralysed with multiple thoughts of been caught and what damn explaination he would give to Anup.
Anup started teasing him being mean nasty and creepy at the same time. Rohan bursted out in tears and pushed Anup out of his house, it was last time when Anup had visited him.
After that he could see Anup and his gang of friends whispering and laughing at him when Rohan used to encounter them in school or in his colony.
Though Rohan continued his passion of cross dressing though in a closet, because after all it was his choice, his life and he had all the right to make, shape, mould and blossom it in is own way.

Posted by Anand Rege in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, English, Non Fiction, 0 comments


I met him for the first time on 01/04/2009 the 1st day of my 9TH standard at K.V.***** Shillong, since my father was working in BSF. We had a school bus from BSF campus, on that morning i saw a new face, it was none other than Mayank who joined his 10th class . Initially we were not friends i didn’t liked his character since he was so rude, but day by day we became friends, Life in KV ….. Shillong was very different from other schools, chilling climate, rainy morning, One day i got a chance to sit with him while sitting with him we had a good conversation, we became friends and then i came to know about him, that he was staying with his father since his mother was working as a teacher at Delhi, so he was shifted to Shillong with his father because of his bad charecter and bad friend circle. Day by day we started to know each other, for him i was his best friend, He was so short tempered guy i ever saw in my life but i really liked his company.
Our school was getting to celebrate annual day celebration and i was dancing so that how Mayank came to know that am dancer and i was doing a pure classical odissi performance and there was a team who were singing my music and the guy who played tabla for me had chickenpox so i was worried about that and informed the same to Mayank at lunch time, then he told me that he is tabla player. And then i took him and he played tabla for that program and that was a great thing for me. Then slowly he became my favorite as who was there with in bus, lunch time, snacks break, dance rehearsal. We started to have a good bonding and other students started to notice this.
Once when it was raining and i was having dance program, in order to reach the function hall he took his umbrella and hugged me close and walked in-order to protect my makeup, this was an awesome moment for me but the students nearby us started to call us gays. That was the first time i heard the word, i had an oxford dictionary which helped me to find the meaning and that how i came to know that there are people who gets attracted to same sex as well.

I shared the same to him, once on our trip to Delhi for participating a dance event we were boarded in train and that was the first time we had a kiss, then onward we began to do everything slowly, we had good time having sex with but later on we began to learn that we started to get attracted to each others mentally as well. We both began to understand each others, the most adorable moment for me was we used to write letters, in a piece of paper and used to exchange to each others sometimes at dance classes, sometimes while standing in assembly ground, or sometimes in bus. I used to read this when i reach home i use to enter the bathroom and used to read it , that was my common spot. Aah so nostalgic.
We had so many memorable moments like having lunch together, he used to take me for ride on his mom’s scooter, cycle riding, so many such moments, Even in exam halls we used to be seated nearby and we used to look at each other , giving flying kisses,,,,, so on.

I must say one thing he was very smart in handing letters to me whereas i used to be caught. One particular day one of my friend saw Mayank giving me letter and he started to watch me from that day onward, The very next morning he saw me with a letter that i kept at his bag in the bus but unfortunately he took that letter and read it , he came to me saying that he found my letter , i informed the same to Mayank and that turned into a big issue because while arguing Mayank hit him on his nose and that turned to be an issue that guy told everyone about the letter. And that was the end of our privacy. Yes people started several gossips but being an 9th standard student i had enough guts that we continued our relation , our friends initially had issues but later on everyone became used to it and we celebrated our each and every moment.

I remember the day when everything got changed, our lives become upside down.I was staying at my uncle’s home since my parents went to Mumbai for few days. Uncle and Aunt didn’t had kids and so they liked me a lot. I was staying with them. On that day i was watching a Malayalam movie ”Vettam” the climax was so romantic that made me miss Mayank, so i took my mobile and we started texting. I wanted him to watch that movie at his home to which he said Amal am not a mallu, but still i forced him to watch it.

So after that we started texting each and uncle asked me to study for my exams after watching the movie, since i was at 10th standard and my half yearly exams were going to start. And i was busy chatting with him. So uncle asked me to have my lunch and do my studies. I had my food and was texting him by the side so uncle was getting very irritated on my behavior. But he didn’t reacted at all. Then i moved to the room started to study keeping my mobile in my left hand texting him, my uncle was watching this through the mirror reflection and by that time i had feeling that he may come and check the messages so i just deleted all messages and sent a blank message to him in order to give an alert (blank message means danger for us) Mayank knew the signal and he just didn’t any text messages after that. Meanwhile uncle came and sat next to me and inserted his hands to the blanket where i was hiding my mobile and he just snatched it.

I didn’t gave any expression because every messages were deleted. And uncle started to advice me about my studies and was scolding me and i was standing fearless, since there were no evidences but he had doubt on me. Suddenly mobile had a beep sound that was nothing but a message that he sent me few minutes ago that got delivered to me late by 10 min due to network problems of hill stations. i got frightened and was praying within myself ”oh god it should not be Mayank please ” , and uncle started reading the text it was filled with few lines and at the end there was an ” i love you”. I never expected this kind of twist . He just shouted at me and called Mayank but he disconnected the call so uncle sent a message to him “call back or else he i will reach your home’. There were no means of communication between us at that moment to create a lie. I cried at uncle and said “uncle please don’t do anything”
he shouted and asked me “what connection you both ”
I said “we are best friends” he shouted and said “then why this message”.
I replied uncle its not his fault the thing is i like him, no i love him for which he slapped me and pulled my hair and said i am going to inform this to your parents as well as Ma yank’s parents.
Then i came to know that ultimately my uncle had some issues with his dad because he was the superior of my uncle and my uncle wanted to create an issue.
Mayank became so frightened and he rang up in my no again, but the call was received by my uncle and that resulted in a big issue since Mayank is a kinda short tempered guy he shouted at my uncle and my uncle again threaten him and wanted him to reach our place in half hour with all messages that were sent by me as well. Now things went out of my hands uncle’s slap left a mark on my face and aunt started to advice me, like Amal, its all because of you age, and bad time and all and i said aunty i really love Mayank and we are in relation from last one year and all but no one tried to understand instead of that she left the room . My mobile was seized and i was looking at clock and i heard the sound of calling bell and uncle opened the door but there were some other guests. Shockingly uncle welcomed them and after 10 mins Mayank entered our flat and uncle really got confused and he asked aunty to take Mayank to my room and make us both sit there.

Aunty and uncle were busy talking with the guests and the guest had no plan to leave, Mayank looked at me and he started blaming me for not deleting message and for chatting with him openly, for which my response was silent. We both remain silent for few minutes. And i gave him a blade and asked him to chop my veins because i didn’t had guts to do so, listening to this he said sorry and hugged me tightly and he saw the mark on my cheeks and kissed on my cheek and blew on my cheeks. In between uncle and aunty were entering the room to check what we were talking about, He asked me Amal do you still love me? i replied i got slapped because i told my uncle the same thing. he smiled his eyes were filled with tears. i made him promise me that “if my uncle says anything ,please do not get angry or argue because he may also get angry and can inform this to your father and we may get separated.”
Mayank: so? Amal do you want us to get separated?
i replied “did i say so? nope never ever ”
This created an issue among us. He took things in a different way but i didn’t even had time to correct him. Since he has a very much stubborn kinda nature.
the guest at the home went off, my uncle came to both of us he wanted Mayank to show all the messages and after reading all this he raised hands over me, but Mayank said its not him , its me who created all this issues and Amal is innocent.

I said no Mayank is taking up things on his head but uncle had a lot of argument and uncle asked me to delete his no. and he slapped Mayank when he argued upon that, i just cried and said uncle don’t beat him i can end everything up but please don’t insult his parents because its my fault and finally uncle agreed. when leaving our flat Mayank told me so it was just an infatuation Amal?
i replied “yes and wanted him to go off and he left”.

When he left i got hurt so i ran to balcony and saw him throwing the key chain that i gifted him which was attached to his scooters key. That scene really hurt me and i didn’t bothered to say sorry to him, what ever i did was only to save him from my uncle. but he couldn’t understand me.

Since i had the mark on my face uncle didn’t sent me to my school for two days, and after that when i went in bus i didn’t saw him, then i came to know from our common friends that he began to hate me and he picturized me in a bad manner ,and that really irritated me.
But for me he was everything and i thought of writing a letter to him and later when i didn’t got any reply from him i understood that he really got changed, when i went to my dance practice i saw other boy playing tabla for me and that really shattered me, then from my dance teacher i came to know hat he went to her two days back and informed her that he wont play tabla anymore that is the reason she took a new guy for my program. Now this made me so worried and i made a decision to meet him on face and to solve all the issues. The worse part was he was not coming in school bus, instead he was coming by his scooter so i thought of waiting for him road.
So after the classes instead of taking the bus i though of walking on road until he comes. while walking i saw him coming so i showed my hands and he stopped his scooter. I stood on that and while hugging him he wanted me to keep a distance. I literately cried listening to that. I questioned him . So you hate me right? he said nope never, i asked him then “why u behaving so?” to which his reply was you aren’t trust-able and he didn’t said a single word after that. He drop me at my apartment and he want away. Reaching my home i came to know that one of our relative was critical so we had to travel to Kerala. And that day night i traveled to Kerala along with my parents.
I had an option to stay at Shillong itself but i thought of going to hometown because the behavior of Mayank was really hurting me. So i thought if i go far from him for few days his mind will be relaxed. But that was a big mistake, when i returned Shillong after 15 days i came to know that Mayank took T.C and went to Delhi 2 days back. And that was an unexpected twist in my life.
From that day i tried contacting him, i got his no. but when he listen my voice he just disconnected the call. It happen for about 3 months then he just changed his sim card. And after that i never got a chance to communicate with him. And neither he tried to contact me as well. And after my 10th my father took volunteer retirement and we shifted to Kerala which is my hometown.

From that day till this moment neither he called me nor i got a chance to prove my nonsense but the thing is its gonna be eight years but still i don’t hate him one day he will realize his mistake. Whatever i did was just to save him. He was a bisexual as per my knowledge but few months back one of our common friend happen to find my Facebook id and from his conversation i came to know that Mayank has changed a lot. He has no connection with his old classmates rather than with this guy. He never attended any get together, infact he just vanished away like anything. from his friend i came to know Mayank is now working in a reputed company and he do have a gay partner and surprisingly name of his partner is Amal. Am happy that he will be remembering me. And that was the first breakup of my life. An infatuation that turned into a relationship.
I thought of writing it down because whenever i speak out my sorrow i feel relaxed that is what i am, but all don’t take things in the way that i think, no one have patience to sit and listen, so thought of writing it up. And now i feeling relaxed.
People come into our life to play their roles. And that was the end of Mayank’s character in my life.

Posted by AMALL SANALL in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, English, Non Fiction, 3 comments

When will this issue will not be a issue….

Sometimes I feel a bit negative. It is so because I am a part of the community that is just 4-8% of any population. It is very OK with me to be its part but it is NOT OK with the rest of the world. It took us so long to scrape out section 377, I don’t know how long it will take to change people’s mentality. We have advanced technologically but to progress socially seems to be a daunting achievement. And we say the Human race is most advanced. There were social evils like child marriage , sati pratha etc. They encompassed some of the major parts of population such as children and women. So it seemed appropriate to ban them and they were eradicated successfully.

The situation here is ..the society does not even consider us as its innate part…. An example
I would like to mention is when after the judgement of supreme court on September 6 ..when media asked the views of common people some of them said ” UNKE(denoting lgbtq ) liye khushi
ki baat hai”. How can we a separate part of society ? I respect diversity and believe in tolerance and everyone thinks differently but there is some sort of hatred for us that should not exist anymore.Why we are taken as Joke for the society. Instead why we are not given extra respect. Why are we pushed towards negativity .Why most of us think that what they think is always right without researching what exactly is…
It is high time for my community to rise and show all the haters that we are no less than a celebrity. I believe that we all are creative genius , we all are pure by heart and soul. I wish every member of lgbtq should posses skills and sufficient education so as to show others that we are no less. We also have to learn to be united and spread awareness to every corner to give a helping hand to those who really need it.
Get skilled. Your dreams will be fulfilled.

Posted by Purple Phonix in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, English, Non Fiction, 2 comments

The burning Train

After a very tiring day at Nagpur me and my friends were waiting for the train at Nagpur junction towards jabalpur it was almost midnight and suddenly an announcment was made that the train is shortly arriving on the platform.

We were all students so we had just purchased the Tickets for the general compartment as the train arrived my face frowned to see the over crowded train somehow we managed to enter the compartment but we couldn’t find a seat to sit, so we were just standing near the washrooms of the compartment. Just infront of me where I was standing, I could see a very cute guy around 20 yrs of age sitting .I could see him making eye contact with me I couldnt resist myself drooling him suddenly he cracked a sweet smile at me and I was assured that he liked me and now it was almost 2 at night, we all friends were scattered at different places in the compartment as we could find places to rest but I was such a bad ass and I didn’t wanted to loose a great opportunity to miss those sweet glances of that guy. Suddenly an unexpected thing happened that guy rose from his seat and came towards me I was dead but could feel the adrenaline rush in my body bringing sparkles all over, he came and asked me to come at the bridge of the two compartments near the washrooms through his eyes and hand gestures, almost everyone were asleep he whispered ” Gur Ho? ” I said “Mujhse zyada tum ho” I could smell him and I was hard as fuck we both were breathing unbroken fast and warm.
I initiated and kissed him. Gosh! it was like heaven it was my first gay kiss we continued for few minutes and couldn’t resist but we couldn’t make out more I was so turned on that I could feel the pressure on my back to jerk out suddenly we heard a lady coming for washroom he left that place and we were separated.
But even today I remember that incident and miss those moments.
It was such a sizzling burning experience in train.

Posted by Anand Rege in By Author, By Genre, By Language, By Title, English, Non Fiction, 3 comments