Unexpected life

It’s 1am and you’re trying to sleep but no sleeps comes since your mind is too occupied with unwanted thoughts

It’s 2am and you’re crying your heart out because everyone who was supposed to stay, they all left you too soon.

It’s 3am and you’re holding a blade in your hand because its the only way you know to ease the pain in your heart.

It’s 4am and the only thing you can see is your scarlet wrists and the only thing you can hear is the sound of crimson liquid falling on the floor.

It’s 5am and you’re in shower, thinking about everything that’s wrong with your life.

It’s 6am and you’re eating your breakfast even though you don’t want to.

It’s 7am and you’re waiting at the bus stop and thinking about those days when your dad used to drop you to school

It’s 8am and you’re surrounded with people you’ve known your whole life and still haven’t really known.

It’s 9am and you’re standing in a ground with your hands folded and praying to someone you’re not sure if exist or not.

It’s 10am and you’re looking at trigonometric identities without really understanding anything.

It’s 11am and you’re laughing with bunch of people who are too ignorant to see the empty look in your eyes.

It’s 12pm and you’re trying to understand principles of inheritance and variation.

It’s 1pm and you’re wishing you were at your home instead of being trapped in this hellhole called school

It’s 2pm and you’re walking on the road alone and thinking about that time when your mom used to pick up from school everyday

It’s 3pm and you’re doing your homework and trying to be a good kid even though you know it’s of no use because no one is going to see how much you’re trying to full fill their expectations.

It’s 4pm and you’re looking at the computer screen waiting for that one message that’ll never come.

It’s 5pm and you are listening to songs that make you want to cry but at the same time give you some strength to keep going.

It’s 6 pm and you’re once again busy with your books, trying to ignore the world.

It’s 7pm and you hear the doorbell.

It’s 8pm and you’re trying to ignore the feeling of running away.

It’s 9pm and you’re sitting in your room, A bit scared of what’ll happen tonight.

It’s 10pm and now you can hear shouts and cries. You hear your parents arguing but you stay quite because you know what’s going to happen next.

It’s 11 pm and there is a loud knock on your bedroom door.

It’s 12am and you’re sitting with belt marks all over your skin. You’re scared and alone. You’ve got no one to protect you, to save you. You’ve got no one to confide in. You’ve got no one who’ll kiss on your scars. You’ve got no one who’ll wipe away your tears. The only thing you’ve got is the bunch of the people who call themselves your friend while they even don’t know your reality. All you’ve got is yourself. All you’ve got is those scars and the feelings of not belonging. All you’ve got is pain in your heart and unwanted thoughts in your mind.

And then it all keeps repeating until you give up one day than everyone is suddenly crying because you’re no longer here. People who bullied you in school are telling other of how much of an amazing you were. Everyone is blaming you for being a coward. But no one is feeling guilty of their ignorance of their cruelty.

After a month, you’re forgotten. You’re just a name engraved on stone and erased from hearts.

But somewhere someone cries. You look at them from up above and feel nothing but pity for them. And then you see another life getting destroyed.

Yes, this is the cycle of life. Yes, this is destiny.

Posted by Samay Singh

5 comments

I’m literally crying! Touched my heart.

Very well written. But we must fight instead of giving up.

It was really heart touching story except of some blade portion

Very well written, I couldn’t myself help my tears when I read this.It touched my heart too.There are many causes of depression, some physical, and some cognitive and psychological .I know few men who are not self identified gays but who struggle with same sex attraction or temptations due to rejection by their fathersite. But now these men have learned to fight off the temptations quite well and much happier .Psychotherapist figure out why some people are more susceptible to particular temptations than other people, they work on healing the childhood wounds and this helps.
Have faith in god ,never loose confidence in yourself and feel rejected. Last but not the least never give up and hope for the best.

This is a very touching an heart-wrenching piece. I feel that this essay is coming from a place of deep hopelessness – and, trust me, many of us in this community have been there. We feel you. We understand you. But from the very bottom of my heart I hope you will consider a new perspective – that no matter how hopeless things seem, no matter how lost and destitute you feel, there is always a place for you. Every single one of us has relationships we cherish, and places that we love. Don’t dwell on those other things that are toxic for you. Those are only temporary. What’s permanent is yourself – and all the beautiful uniqueness and emotion that comes along with it. So on the topic of suicide/self-harm: DON’T deprive the world of your beautiful presence. We all have a contribution to make, and, piece by piece, the path toward a brighter reality will come together. I promise. Just hang on. <3

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